Make new friends and keep the old...

A few days ago, I rolled out of bed and plodded down the hall to begin the wake up routine with the boys.  I sang the morning song and repeated the daily mantra. I walked out of their room and noticed a voice coming from the front porch.  This, in itself, is not altogether unusual.  There's a bus stop right smack dab in our front yard, so we often have folks sitting in our rocking chairs on the front porch waiting for the bus.  I peaked out the front window to see who it was and recognized the voice.  This wasn't a neighbor waiting for the bus.  This wasn't even someone who lived in Charlotte.  A previous intern had driven 2 hours to Charlotte in the early morning and was now sitting on our front porch.  I opened the front door.

 "Hey, is everything ok?,"
 "No!  I've had the worst night at work and all I wanted to do was find a way to be happy and the only thing I could think of that would make me happy was to come to Charlotte.  So, I came to Charlotte."
 "Come on in."

We poured coffee, made breakfast, and walked the boys down to the bus as she told us the story.  There were lots of pieces to the story, lots of feelings and lots of venting.  One of the things that resonated with me most was her exclamation, "Making new friends as an adult is really hard.  It's like dating all over again, but not at all that easy."

I've felt that way so many times and I've also felt the "I have no friends" wave of doubt crash over me too many times.  Perhaps somewhere deep, my desire to live in community with others is a plain old craving to have friends.   Yes, community life is a faithful witness, a gift of God, a way of living out a Kingdom reality and I should be totally compelled by the Holy way of community.  But, let's be honest.  Some of the reason I want to live in community is simply because I want friends.  I want that "bestie" that everyone talks about- the BFF, the LYLAS that we wrote about in our yearbooks. I want my own Kimmy Gibbler or Ethel Mertz.  I want to live in the apartment with Schmidt and Nick or the Florida home with Rose and Blanch.

Does that kind of friendship even exist?  My experience in community life says yes.  My experience in community life also says no.  There have been some moments in community when I have felt able to release my heart into the hands of another.  There have also been some moments when I've released my heart only for it to be denied.  I think we all know that friendships are complicated and tricky, that they ebb and flow, that they require attention and intentionality. I think that's why we crave friendship.  We want to know others deeply and to be known fully.  We want to be seen and heard.  We want to be swept away by care and concern for someone other than ourselves.  We want to feel connected to another.

How does friendship happen in adulthood?  How does friendship happen in a sometimes disjointed and disingenuous society?  Is there such a thing as friendship eharmony?  Can you put an ad out?  Here's mine:

 Mix up a bit of Punky, Clarissa, Angela, and add a few years.  That's me.  I'm looking for my Cherie, Sam, and Rayanne mixed with a little Ethel and Will.  I'll be waiting for you at the corner of Tuck and Parkway or perhaps we'll find each other at Rhino.  I hope you like veggies because the Chaud Legume Sandwich is out of this world! See you there soon...